Desconectada (Disconnected)

Early last week, I was commenting to my roommate, Grace, that I felt like I was spending too much time on the computer - checking e-mail, looking at Facebook, trying to stay connected to my world back in the States. Don´t get me wrong, I think the modern convenience of technology is awesome. I am living in Peru, but I can keep updated on pretty much anything going on with my friends and family at home through a plethora of tools through the Internet. I can even talk to people for free while actually seeing them on my computer. But, one of my goals for my experience this summer is to spend more time in seeking God in prayer, in reading and in quietness. Another is to fully commit to the experience of being here and living in the community of San Juan. Both of these goals mean less time mindlessly poking around the Internet. Of course, in this age of super-technology, that is easier said than done.

I don´t know if God overheard my conversation with Grace (and if He agreed with my assessment of my overuse of time on the Internet), but on Thursday my computer crashed. "Crash" isn't the right word, because that would assume that it had turned on. But it didn´t. And in one split second, I felt completely cut off from my world. No e-mail, no Facebook, no Skype. Gone was my music, my documents, my pictures. How in the world can I be so dependent on technology that this felt like a monumental disaster in my life?

I have to admit, it was not a very good moment for me. Between allergies that just didn't want to go away, and then my computer that was muerta (dead), I felt completely disconnected. From life here, from life in the States, and I have to say, from God and this journey that I am travelling on. Feeling disconnected is not fun. For me, it is a mixture of feeling tired and lonely, but also guilty and challenged for feeling tired and lonely. Because, the truth is that I love everything that I am doing here in Lima. I work with a group (Peace and Hope) that is challenging and educating communities about different social issues in this society. In just a few weeks, I have: taught at seminars on Women´s Rights and Domestic Violence; shared bible lessons on our identity as children of God; translated for a seminar on investigation of child abuse cases; and played with street kids living in a center in my neighborhood. I have also met some tremendous Christian servants who live and love unconditionally in extremely poor areas in San Juan. In the midst of the struggles they face on a daily basis, how could I be reacting so strongly to something that definitely was not a crisis?

So I took a step back and asked God to reveal to me what he wanted me to see. In the midst of this "crisis" I was having, I decided to write down the blessings that were surrounding me. This was the list that I wrote in my journal:

• Karen, the secretary at our office, for calling her computer guy and bringing me to his shop.
• Anna, another friend at the central office, for getting me in touch with the computer techs there, and for letting me stay the night at her place on Thursday when they were still trying to fix my computer. (We had an awesome conversation!)
• Genaro, a colleague at our office, for being so concerned about this gringa that he took a taxi into the main office with me (over an hour away!)
• Arturo, who tirelessly worked on fixing my computer Thursday night and then all day Friday as it crashed again.
• Jaime and Anna for introducing me to Sanwichon - a huge Peruvian style sandwich.

I realized that I was never truly disconnected. God has always been faithful in providing people that care for me wherever I am in the world. Sometimes, it is difficult to remember that in the midst of challenging circumstances. But although we may feel disconnected, God never disconnects from us. Maybe He uses those moments that we feel disconnected to help us focus on other things He is doing in our lives.

True to his faithful nature, God gave me a great weekend of fellowship. I was able to let out some frustration from the end of the week during a conversation with my roommate. On Saturday, I had a great time playing with a group of street kids living at a home near my house. That night, I was able to talk to and play volleyball with some teenagers in another community. As for my computer, it is up and functioning. And with its new Peruvian programs, it is now bilingual...which makes me smile:)